The horror of love.

Skrev det her i september 2012.

I woke up one morning, like any other, I was still a bit affected by the medication from last night; I realized I was awake early. I got out of bed, the cat was still sleeping like a peaceful baby, but just when I went to open the door, he opened his big yellow eyes, and looked at me, I whispered ”good morning” and went to the living room. I looked around, and thought: ”this really needs to be cleaned” But not now, I went to turn on the computer, and went to the kitchen, to see if anything eatable I wanted. There wasn’t, I didn’t really need food at that moment, I told my computer to hurry up, quite a few times, before it was ready. I opened Facebook, nothing unusual. I opened Messenger, nothing special, but still did it look like he didn’t block me again yet. It felt good, though it was nothing to be happy about most likely. I could read in his blogs and around the internet, he was having a horrible time, and pretty much alone about it. It made feel so strong responsibility to make him feel better, but it is impossible, when he for good reasons, doesn’t trust me. I understand, quite a few has told him before they loved him, and turned out as monsters. And it is no wonder, he thinks that of the one he meets. Everything would be easier if he just trusted me, and that I would never do anything to hurt him – in any way. Not saying I can’t do anything he might get hurt of, but it has and never been what I wanted. And I am sure to say, I would do a lot, every time, to get back the trust.